Pain Journal

So...
I have had to keep an injury/pain journal... which just happens to be in the form of blog posts. It was just the easiest way for me to write. I have been writing... aka: complaining and documenting all the nitty gritty details... through these posts for almost an entire year! As the anniversary of the accident fast approaches, I look forward to putting 2012 in the past. I'm talking seriously far behind me... never to be brought back!
Hopefully someday soon, we will actually settle things and I will post a year's worth of pain and suffering! I don't suggest that anyone read them... in fact, I'm pretty sure I will never be able to go back and read through them all. But, I look forward to the day when I can write and post again! Writing is my outlet... and I am so desperately missing my therapeutic outlet!!!

Thanks for noticing (as eeyore says)

I have 17... that's right 17 post written. I'm not as lazy as I look!!! It feels so good to be writing, it's so therapeutic.


I wanted to give a huge THANK YOU to all of those that have helped me, and are still helping me through this. It's been insanely hard, and I've never been good at accepting help. I know someday I will look behind me and see the lessons I've learned... but for now I'm just trying day-to-day. I could have never done it on my own!
They say friendship is like peeing your pants... everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth. I have such great friends and family. I love you all!

I've always had a lot to say, and with the time to write I get a little out of control! Someday they will be posted... someday!

Bunko & Oscar's

Thursday night I hosted Bunko at my house. I absolutely love this group of women I have gotten to know through Bunko. We are such a great range of ages, kids, professions... everything! We were able to take a trip down to St. George a few weeks ago, and I really was able to bond with these wonderful ladies.
We all have different backgrounds and live different ways... but we are similar in so many areas. It was positive and uplifting to learn about each of our lives. One of the best things that has come from joining this group is the closeness I've gained with 3 women who live in my neighborhood. These are people I've lived next to for 5 years and never had conversations with. We've had mutual friends, but never been able to connect. Driving down to St. George and back gave us plenty of time to get to know each other.
It was a great uplifting weekend. These were women who didn't pretend that life was perfect, but we all love our families and our husbands.I learned about what one woman in particular... and the things she has endured over the passed year. She is so strong and it just doesn't seem fair that her family has been faced with the health struggles they have.
I also learned "yet again" about stupid gossip and how things get twisted and manipulated. I want to kick myself, because I think I learn something only to get in a situation in the middle of "he said, she said" But, luckily it worked out quickly.
So I was able to host these wonderful 12 women at my house Thursday! The theme was "what we would have gotten OURSELVES for Valentine's Day"
It was a ton of fun! I served Taco Soup, Chicken and Wild Rice Soup, Rolls... and for dessert I made choco dipped strawberries, red velvet cake, and we drank sparkling cider from champagne glasses. It was good times.
I also started Body for Life this week. It's just a nutrition and exercise program to build muscle. I did really great... had great workouts 6 days of the past 7 days... and had kept in my nutrition goals. I'm ready for a change. I've hit that 'wall' and need to make some serious adjustments to my life. I feel like I'm getting to a place where I'm happy with relationships, I feel good spiritually... I just need to get my physical goals in line.
I've made changes this past year with relationships. Again, I had to take a step back and distance myself from some people. It's always hard, because they are people I love... but seem to hurt me. As much as I wish my family could all just accept each other and get along, that seems impossible sometimes. I don't know how the future will turn out, I pray that things can mend, and people can stop comparing and competing... but I'm learning how to cope and handle things.
I'm doing my best to reach out and have the relationships that are healthy for me. I'm making strides and putting myself out there. Everyone has things happen that change them, help them grow up, etc. And although I'd never wish for someone to have hard times... I pray that growing and changing can help soften hearts. I have found great strength in my relationships with in-laws and new friends.
Anyway...
Sunday I'm having an Academy Awards Party. This is something I have wanted to do for many years. It's difficult though... because it's on a Sunday. It's hard to find babysitting on Sunday's, and there are also wonderful people who wouldn't participate in a party on Sunday. (Like the 'tiptoe' subject of a Superbowl Party, or recreational activities on Sunday's) Those situations are always awkward... and instead of getting easier as time goes on, they seem to get harder.
I just made a random guest list of people who I thought #1 would be fine with a Sunday Party #2 would get into the glitz and glam of dressing up (and yes... Mike thinks I'm crazy!)and #3 would be chill and fun to hang out with. I invited a few couples from my neighborhood, a few friends we had from previous places we lived, a few from HS and my Sis and her Hubby. So dang excited! As always I've gone over board... red carpet, celebrity limo parking signs, sparkly and shiny stuff. Too fun!

La-La-Love Day!

In lieu of the big LOVE day on Tuesday, I thought I'd give a summary of Mike and I. So this is a brief summary of our story...

We met on April 3, 1998... in a campground at the end of Canyonlands National Park near Moab UT. Looking back, I've decided that camping is a great way to meet someone! You are stinky, dirty, wearing clothes for comfort, sporting the 'natural' look and at your most vulnerable state. It only gets better from camping!
It sounds like a joke, but I saved Mike's life. Literally, he almost fell off a cliff and would have been seriously injured or died. We were hiking and he grabbed my foot and climbed to safety. I've always said that after that he was obligated to marry me!
I came back to work that next Monday and announced that I had "met the man I was going to marry"! I was laughed at, but I knew that the spark we had was seriously strong.
Our first date was two weeks later, and that was that! I did my best to play it cool... I didn't want him to think I liked him that much. He said "I love you" and I said it back. He met my family and I met his. We were engaged May 21st.
We have been married now for 13 years... 14 this August. So YES! We met on April 3rd and were married on Aug 11th. It was a super fast whirlwind of love. I laugh about the fact that he could have been a serial killer... but thankfully he isn't. (or at least I don't think he is) It was that instant feeling of being soul mates. I felt like in some ways we had always known each other!
We struggled through 3 years of Mike's schooling. I was working to put him through school until 2000 when we welcomed our first addition. We had become our own little family.
Mike worked so hard... taking 12-16 credit hours and working 35 hours a week. We hardly saw each other. I have a notebook of almost 2 years of notes... I would write down what we did that day, tell him what I made for dinner and instructions on heating it up. He would flip the page and write back to me.(It didn't matter what I made... he would always say that dinner was delicious. Looking back at some of the things I made, I think he deserves and 'great husband' award for never complaining about anything.) He would come home after we were asleep and he'd be gone before we woke up in the morning. That notebook is now one of my most valued items. It's an entire notebook of love notes and expressions of the emotions we had at that stage in life.
We had a sweet surprise addition to our family in June 2001. I was ready for some help with the little ones... and he was ready to make up for the three years of not sleeping.
For Mike's graduation we celebrated with a week alone, a trip to the Eastern Caribbean. Two weeks after he graduated I started Cosmetology School. It was two years of night school... again we were living parallel lives, only crossing paths a day or two a week. I would drop the kids off at my Mom's house an hour before he got off work and picked them up.
The travel bug had bit us, and we started taking a trip together every 8 to 10 months. It was important for us to have that alone time together. With all the stress that came with our busy life... a week alone helped to remind us how much we love each other, and how important it is to make our marriage the top priority in our life.
I finished school and had two more little ones right in a row. Somehow I turned around and we were a family of six! And although life didn't really slow down... we were able to eat dinner together, see more of each other, and enjoy life.



When it comes to Valentine's... we are both very practical about spending time and money. I would rather travel somewhere or spend time together than have jewelry or nice gift items. In my opinion... flowers are beautiful, but they never last as long as I wish they would. Spending time together is my favorite part of Valentine's Day... or any holiday.
When we spend time away, it seems to take about one full day to get past our day-to-day routine. I get out all the info and struggles about the kids, the house and my work... and he gets out all his stuff about work. Then with all that out of the way, we remember why we like each other... and why we fell in love.
I feel like I love Mike more every year. That's not to say we haven't had our fair share of struggles... especially in the early years, just trying to make it through week-to-week.
I think that we often look at our life and make investments for our financial future and for our children's future. What we can forget is that investing the time, energy, and even money in our relationship is the best way to secure our life. Because, I know that with Mike, we can take on whatever lies in our future. With a strong friendship, trust, and love... we will get through the hard times and make the most of the good times.
Happy Valentine's!

San Diego and Saudi Arabia

Mike made it home from his annual trip to the middle east. I can't say it gets easier... but I don't worry as much as I did the very first time he went. He said he won't be going back next year. (But that's what he said last year... so I'm not counting on it) I try not to watch shows like 24, or turn on CNN. I pretend he's in Florida.
I learn a lot about myself when he's gone for long periods of time. I realize more of my shortcomings, and surprise myself with some of my capabilities. I get scared of what my life would be like if I ever lost him. There's that thought in the back of my mind that thinks "maybe I won't see him again" or "What if something happened?... would I feel like I made the most of our time together?" I realize that I take him for granted. I also gain a great respect and appreciation for the wives and mothers who have husbands gone like that a lot. I feel blessed that he doesn't travel too much anymore.
In the month of January he was gone more than he was away... which is hard on him, but I got to go with him to San Diego for a few days before he left for Saudi. Thanks to my Mom, who came up here and stayed with the girls... I got some R & R while Mike worked. I looked at the ocean every morning I woke up and every night as the sun went down. (and multiple times during the day) The view of the Bay from our room was beautiful. Our hotel, the Omni was amazing. Funny thing... there was a club in Provo called the Omni. It was an interesting place, and I have some pretty crazy memories from there... so I had to giggle a little every time I would say it.
The minute we walked off the plane I felt the humidity as I breathed... I looked at Mike and said "THIS is the type of air I am meant to breathe!" It was an amazing 72 degrees, one day we had a little chill, but nothing like Utah.
Our hotel was incredible! We had some type of gift in our room every night. A plate of fruit and cheese, chocolate dipped strawberries, one night we came home to a bottle of nice wine. The service was great, the sheets were high thread count, and the bathroom was very modern. (I love hotel rooms that have cool bathrooms... don't know why, but I do!)
That first night Mike took me to an amazing place for Indian food in the Gaslamp District, called Masala. It was delish. I'm a little obsessed with Indian/Nepali food and culture at the moment... not sure why. (Mike's co-worker from Nepal had our entire family over for dinner recently. His wife made some incredible dishes. I was proud of my kids for trying everything... they surprisingly liked most of it. Indian and Nepali food are very similar... but Indian food tends to be spicier)
The next day Mike and I went to the USS midway. We had fun on our little self-guided tour. My Grandpa is a Sonar engineer and inventor, he spent a lot of time on submarines... I can't imagine living in such close quarters... It makes me nauseous just thinking about it! Mike couldn't stand up in any of the rooms! He took 80% of the tour bend over. I couldn't even stand up in many of the areas. The jets were really my favorite. I think we just were happy for some alone time together. We started thinking... and the last time we spent ALONE time away from the kids was our trip to Miami Beach/Mexican Cruise we took in March 2010. It kind of seems like a lifetime away. We ate dinner at a nice Piano Bar... good music and good food.
Mike had to start working the next day... so I explored the a little more. The Gaslamp was right out the front door of the hotel. There were fun shops and boutiques. Of course I made it over to Horton Plaza... the best mall.
Tuesday I took a bus up to Old Town. I heard great things about the Mormon Battalion Visitors Center... and boy did it live up to the reviews. It was incredible! The missionaries were so cute, and the history was really enlightening. Even if you are not LDS, it is a great part of Western US history! I walked up to Heritage Park and went into a really cool old church. I did a little shopping... found a Buddhist jewelry shop. I got a dorje pedant, and some OM symbol rings. The jewelry came from India, Nepal, and Tibet. I took myself to a fabulous lunch at Casa de Reyes then headed back to the hotel.
That night we went out with Mike's co-workers. I was the only spouse... but it wasn't too bad.
I spent the first day exploring the Gaslamp District, that's where we stayed... so it was easy access. It was fun, with lots of little shops and fun restaurants.
I found a PM school and scheduled an appointment with a Phase 2 student. It was fun, and nice to talk with someone who knew PM education... she did a great job!
That night Mike's event (PCMA) actually closed down Gaslamp's 5th Avenue for a party and concert! All the restaurants had free food along the street. There was an amazing ice bar with oysters. I tried so hard to get Mike to eat them... but he wouldn't. Darn allergies, I totally would have tried it! The concert was Kool and the Gang, a little too old for me, but the atmosphere was a ton of fun! I got to hold a wicked looking python, Mike doesn't like it when I do that stuff... but it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
The next day we went home. It was an nice trip... and so good for us to spend some time together. Mike really is my best friend, and trips like these always make me look forward to growing old with him.

Cori's #12

It's the strangest thing... I can say that I gave birth to her, then turned around the other day and saw this beautiful young lady!
I'm so proud of that little muffin. She has always been an incredible person, I knew she was special from the minute I held her in my arms. I love that she was born such an old soul. I know that she was sent to me to teach me so much... and I have honestly tried so hard not to dim her light. There is so much of Mike in her... so logical and smart. She has such a warm and loving heart and is so caring and thoughtful of others. She's never been one to have a set circle of friends, and always wants to include everyone. She is such a good example for her sisters... and for me!
I decided when the girls were little that I would only give them a 'friends' party every few years... on big milestone years. I thought that 5, 8, 12, and 16 would be great years to have the big parties. I didn't think through their age differences, or I might have realized that Cori would turn 12 three days before Addi turned 8. Oops!
When Cori wanted to invite the entire 6th grade over for a party, and I about choked! I thought about it, and knew that logistically there was no way we could accommodate something like that in our house. That kind of party would involve another venue. So after some thought I told her that we could probably do her school class. She was so excited!
As I thought more about it I got nervous. I made her invites and she passed them out. Two days before the party I asked her to ask her classmates if they were coming so I could get an idea of how many kids we would have. She came home and said that EVERYONE she asked was coming! Whoa... okay, there's no turning back at that point!
My AMAZING bro-in-law agreed to come and sing. I thought the kids would have a blast with him. He is so talented!
So I ordered 8 pizzas, got 4 Costco bags of chips, Swedish fish, M&M's, and filled our giant cooler with ice and 48 cans of soda. I made a towering pyramid with ding-dongs and put candles on top! We set up the Wii downstairs, PS2 upstairs, and had our game table upstairs. The kids ended up playing group games altogether... human knot, lap game, wink-em, telephone, telephone charades and our favorite...mafia. Kyle came and rocked the house with some Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, One Republic, and Tom Petty. The girls adored Kyle... swooning. By the end of the night they were playing 'truth or dare' and just decided to tell each other their 'crushes'. It was hilarious!

A few eye opening surprises for me...

#1 The amount of kids at the party with cell phones... and how frequently they use them... and how late they used them! (who are you texting at 11:30pm?)

#2 How open they were... boys and girls... about who they liked or had 'crushes' on. One boy started the telephone game with "So-and-so is the most beautiful girl in the world" I was like REALLY? I don't remember a boy being that bold about his feelings until High School!

#3 The click of girls (whom I affectionately call 'plastics' because of one of my favorite movies) They all have phones, they all have boobs, they all look about 16! I found out they text each other in the morning and decide what to wear... in 6th grade! Wowza!
(The funny thing was that I was torn between wanting my daughter to be accepted by those girls, and so glad that my daughter wasn't like those girls. Totally my own issues surfacing!)

Needless to say... It was a really fun night! Cori had a blast, the kids were so fun... and I learned a thing or two about how much things have changed since I was in 6th grade.

Fancy Addi turns 8

Addi turned 8 and had a fabulous 'Fancy Nancy' Party. (I am still finding feathers around the house from those stinkin' boas!)
No, it was a super fun celebration of Addi in all her dramatic glory!

For lack of a better description... it looked like the tooth fairy threw up in my house. Everything was fluffy, frilly, pink and purple. There were balloons, beaded necklaces, rings, bracelets, pearls, diamonds, boas, crowns, cupcakes... and fancy glasses with sparkling cider!

The girls all came dressed up, and when they got here I handed out a bunch more costume jewelry. There were pearl necklaces hanging from the chandelier. We had so many little treats, fun games, presents, and toasts! (Yes, we sang Happy Birthday to Addi and toasted our plastic fluted glasses filled with bubbly)

There was one little girl who was cracking me up! She said "Oh! Oh! I have never toasted before!" She was so excited, she toasted with everyone at the table. Afterward she said "How come they don't 'clink' when we toast" I told her it was because they were plastic... not glass. She said "Well... I will just say 'clink' when I toast" Then she proceeded to again toast everyone at the table! She accidentally spilled and started giggling so hard, it looked as if there was more than cider in her glass! As I filled her glass up I leaned in and whispered "Make sure it get's in your mouth this time" She busted up laughing! She was laughing so hard she couldn't drink it!

Addi was in heaven! It was so fun to watch her... and she just couldn't believe that "all of them came! Mom! All of them came!"

One of my favorite moments, was when I was in the kitchen making petite PB&J sandwiches... Addi is leading the girls in a game of 'Nancy Says' (Simon Says). I hear Addi saying the typical game commands... "Nancy says... touch your toes" "Nancy says... clap your hands" The next thing I know I hear "Nancy says... say "I'm SOOOO beautiful" and a choir of girls chime "I'm SOOOO beautiful!" Then I hear "Nancy says... say "I'm jealous!" and again, the girls altogether "I'm jealous!" I quickly rushed over and saved the game with running, stomping, shaking booties, wiggling fingers, and flapping wings. (I'm jealous??? It was too funny)

The girls guessed how many candies were in the glass jars filled with M&M's, licorice, Hershey kisses, and more. It was funny the range of guesses... and one little girl won almost every game and guessed closest on almost every candy jar! It was funny because she is such a shy and quiet girl... doesn't like attention.

Addi, being the drama queen she is, thanked me over and over, she must have said ten times "Mom, this was the best Birthday party EVER!" It really was fun!

I'm excited for her baptism in a few weeks. She is so happy, and looking forward to it. Oh... and she got her ears pierced! Craziest thing... she actually wanted them pierced. She even picked out some cute little pearls to wear on her baptism. Cute girlie!