Till we meet again

Having my personal life experiences become public has caused some conflict for those who do not agree with my opinions and thoughts.

Just as I do not read literature that does not appeal to me, I also avoid public forums of specific people's thoughts and opinions I do not agree with. There are television shows I chose not to watch, and radio programs I chose not to listen to...I am grateful I have that self-control.
Sadly, others do not have such self-control. Apparently, reading experiences in my own life adversely affects people who read about them. Why do people who do not agree with me choose to read my thoughts and opinions? That is unknown to me.

Up until now, I have chosen to publicly express myself. While I am grateful for the opportunity to do so, I understand that not everyone feels the way I do. I also understand that situations and feelings during my own life experiences are based on interactions with individuals.
Some of these individuals help facilitate good experiences in my life...while others facilitate perhaps more negative experiences. Regardless, every experience I have helps me learn and grow as a human being.

I feel that expressing myself publicly, is morally and ethically, a better outlet than expressing myself to a small number of individuals.* My reasoning, is that when my thoughts, feelings, and concerns are expressed in that avenue...words can often be distorted or changed based on the individual passing along information.

In order for me to 'own' my opinions...I feel that it is better if they come directly from me. It definitely creates less confusion, and eliminates the need to explain myself, defend myself, and even correct any errors of communication. If anyone has questions concerning what I have expressed...the opportunity is available to read my every word.

I would also like to add that my own opinions are based on my life experiences. I have had almost 30 years of experience which have molded and influenced my perception of life and people. My own personal perception strongly influences my opinions, thoughts, feelings and even actions. Even the way in which I chose to express myself is based upon my own perception.

It is with regret, that I have chosen to no longer express myself through this venue. I have been put in a position of a hard choice. I do consider it my own choice, it is just unfortunate that it is a decision I have to make at this time. I have no doubt that a time will come, in the future, when I will chose to once again express myself through my preferred method.

I am grateful to be blessed with independent thinking. I can also understand why we came to this earth as a choice, with freedom to make our own decisions. I see why that freedom sparked a war in heaven, and divided so many. I understand why in the history of this earth, so many people fought to the death for their freedoms. For myself, the thought of losing my freedom is one of the scariest thoughts I can imagine. I am so grateful I live in this time upon the earth. I am so grateful to raise strong, independent, free-thinking children...and the opportunity to teach them the value of such. Just having the Lord share the gift of Motherhood with me has brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined.

I love my Father in Heaven. I have a testimony of the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I love my Savior, and try to live my life according to his teachings. I will forever be thankful for the atonement, and the ultimate price he paid for me. I am such an imperfect person, for him to take my sins upon him is the greatest gift I could ever be given. To know that through him, I can have eternal life, and return to my home surrounded by the ones I love. My testimony also encompasses the knowledge I have been given through my life experiences. I am thankful for the opportunity I have had to differentiate between feeling the Lord's teachings through the spirit of Christ, and recognizing the opinions of imperfect human beings. I can testify of the gospel, and not sacrifice my salvation due to the sins of others. I have learned that being offended is a choice, and I am grateful I have learned things to prepare me for challenges I may face in this life.

I have also been blessed to share my thoughts and opinions, even for a short while, with such strong and intelligent women. Women who have helped me, strengthened me, and taught me through their own opinions and self expression. I will miss that support, and it greatly saddens me that people feel threatened or offended by others opinions. Criticism is result of being an open person. Heaven knows I have taken my share of criticism. I wish that more people felt comfortable being open. But in light of recent experiences, I can see why speaking your mind is not always worth the price you can pay. I will continue to read and learn from great people who share themselves, and admire their confidence in doing so.

This will, however, be an insert in the record of my life. Just as other things have been documented, this too needs to be recognized as an experience. I know that the individuals involved in this particular life experience of mine will never understand how their own forms of self expression have influenced me. I am thankful for the strength I have gained going through recent struggles. I am sad to lose friends, but being my friend can cost people a lot of problems these days. I am grateful to those who support and love me. Learning to sensor myself is a good thing I will benefit from, learning to distance myself from people will also be imperative to my future happiness. In many ways, I owe thanks to all the individuals contributing to the influence of this decision. Some individuals have contributed to events I will now know to avoid in the future.

Things which I have written were never meant to hurt or offend. They were never meant to influence others negatively. I have always considered my expressions as recorded events and situations which helped me learn and grow in my own life. Even in venting frustrations, I only intended to try and understand my own feelings and how they affect the things I learn. As anything else I have written...I hope that this experience can provide knowledge, perspective, or perhaps comfort to myself and anyone wanting to receive such from it.

I hope to continue and write about my experiences. I hope to have a record to look back on, and pass to my children. I will slowly be removing past entries into another way of preserving what I have written. I'm not sure how long it will take to transfer everything, but this explanation will be posted until I am finished.


Farewell.