Monday, January 18, 2010

Ramblings on Randomness


Oh life!It has been quite the week!
This diet has gotten surprisingly better. I thought I might have to throw in the towel, but I've stuck with it through one of the craziest weeks I've had in a long time.
This is just the highlight reel...
I got released from my calling. I threw a big Birthday party, not being able to even taste any of my favorite treats. I attended a fabulous Paul Mitchell training. I started a 6 week parenting course. I attended a party with my cousins (who I don't see very often), and couldn't eat anything. I got sick and then sicker. I sent my husband to the Middle East. ... ALL without ANY comfort food!!!

So now I sit. I read, I watch TV, I get on the computer. Then I sit again, read some more, watch mind-numbing TV, and search the internet for real-estate in AZ, FL, and Southern CA. I need warmth!
I have finished two books in the last 12 days. The one I finished last night was "Eat, Pray, Love". I really enjoyed it. I felt a connection to her writing method. As if she wrote the way I think in my head.
It was fascinating, and I loved her part on Rome. I love that place! And I love the food in Italy! There is no comparison. I have no doubt that I would weigh the size of my house if I lived there. The only reason I didn't gain 20 pounds when I went, is because I walked 10 miles a day!
She then wrote about finding God. Depending on your beliefs and your personal relationship with God, you could take different things out of her experience.
I loved her raw and honest journey of finding herself... on many levels.

Oh! I bought a blender. On sale for $29. Wow... I know. That's about as exciting as it gets these days.

Mike is on the other side of the planet... hobnobbing with the world's most important business leaders. And I sit here thinking about what I'd do if terrorists took him from me. Watching 24 doesn't help... In case you were wondering.

Oh yeah... my parenting class. It's wonderful! I was supposed to take it with Mike, instead I get to take it alone. That's okay... when he comes home I'll use it as my reasoning for everything. "What? You want me to make dinner? sorry... my class said they need to make it for themselves! Independence." Cleaning? "I learned in my class that Mother's should never clean up after their children. Discipline." "Hey guess what? My class taught me that moving to a warmer climate helps raise well-adjusted teenagers!"
No really, I'm excited to learn anything that might help me become a better parent. Someone told me that they didn't want to take the course because you end up "hearing everybody's comments about themselves, and their opinions" The fact is, that I am all for learning from other peoples experiences. Hearing different parents points of view, and expanding my knowledge in that area. I am not about to put myself above anybody else in that room. That's a mistake I've already made... thinking I know everything about parenting, and putting other people's parenting skills down. My sweet Sophie has taught me that I need all the help I can get.
It's actually a bit comforting to sit in a room of parents who have some of the same struggles I have. You mean I'm not the only person with a child who has anger issues? Thank the Lord!!!
I tend to parent rather controlling... it's all I've known... and it seems to have been affective with my older kids. But it's deceiving. I want to raise a child who can think for themselves, who can make the right choices... without me telling them what the right choice is. I'm not going to be in Jr. High and High School with my girls, and they need to have the confidence to make decisions. Well-adjusted. Well-Balanced. Good winners, and good losers. With the ability to pick them selves up off the floor when things go wrong. They will make mistakes... lots of them. So I want them to be equipped with the confidence to know "it's okay to make a mistake" and they "won't always be the BEST at what they do" Even though I'd love nothing more to tell them that they will be the best, and they are perfect!
Sophie spilled her milk ALL over the floor tonight at dinner. I smiled and said "Oh Sophie, darn it... I guess you better wipe it up?" Addi jumped out of her seat and said "I'll do it!" and I had to say "No, Sophie spilled... so Sophie's gotta clean it up."
Sophie got the paper towels and started wiping. She was smearing it ALL OVER. Almost making a bigger mess than the original. She kept at it, and kept at it. I wanted so badly to finish it for her. She was almost done and said "Don't hate me Mom" I was shocked! "Honey! I could never hate you!" she smiled and said "I know... thanks."
Now I'm not gonna lie, after I put her to bed I had to mop the floor... but she didn't know that! :)

So I have dropped some 'poundage' on this crazy diet. I can admit that I had my doubts. I'm not trying to figure it out, meaning how it works. Like... why can't I eat broccoli? or why can't I put on lotion?... I just can't! So I'm on day 13 of 30... almost half way done. Hooray.

I went back and read some of my previous posts... sometimes they cheer me up. I was laughing at my "Wonder Mom" post when life was wonderful for those few minutes. I wanted to post about how unattainable that feels right now. But I found a picture that captured all the words I could have written...
That is how I feel today.

By the way...
If you drink enough water (and don't eat much food) your pee can be TOTALLY CLEAR! I mean really and completely CLEAR! Like you didn't even use the bathroom. (Do you still have to flush if your pee is clear and sterile?)
And... asparagus really makes your pee smell bad... really, really bad.
Goodnight.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Kissed the Boys and Made Them Cry!


"Addi- BiGaddi, puddin' pie, she kissed the boys and made 'em cry. Ooohhh Addi, baby girl Addi. Sweeeeet Addi, won't cha be mine!" - (sung in quite a groovy tune)

Addi is the spice in my life. She is a unique and special person of her own. Definitely a "one-of-a-kind"! My sweet baby girl Addi turned 6 on Tuesday. And while she is the height of an 8 year old. She is my one child who wants me to treat her like a infant. She would be so happy if I would feed her, cradle her, sleep with her, and sing her lullaby's all day long. She really is the most loving and nurturing child I've ever known.
This has been a challenge, since I'm not the most nurturing mother. I appreciate her patience with me. I hope to give her all the love and attention she wants in this life.


Addi lives in two worlds. This one that we all share, and her imaginary land. I thought she would grow out of it by now, but it has only evolved with her.
When she was around 3 years old, she started having imaginary pets. We were at a stoplight one day when she shouted "Mom! Look! Jack followed us!" I quickly look in my mirrors and to the right and left sides of me. I then realize that I don't know a Jack... "Who's Jack?" She points out her window and says "Right there! Jack... the white horse."


Well, as the years passed, she started having friends. She would ask if they could sleep over. "Ummm... sure!" They were always gone by morning, so how could I say no?
Then she told me they would sneak over here at nights and have big Birthday parties in her room. They would bring her presents and everything.
They became a part of our day-to-day lives, and one day I asked her "Why don't you ever go to your friends to play?" She said "They really like our house... and their Mom's don't like having people over." Alrighty then.
Lately she has taken to imaginary cooking and baking. She's always making cakes, cookies, and serving Mike and I our diet drinks. ( no wonder I have issues losing weight!) As Mike was leaving for his trip, she stocked him up with muffins, cakes, and cookies... enough to last him two weeks. As we dropped him off at the airport she yells "Did you remember all your treats Daddy?"
We went to Smith's last week and I forgot my wallet, we turned around and drove home to get it. As we were leaving she said "Too bad we aren't in my imaginary world! You could buy anything at the store for a penny! ALL OF IT for a penny!" So that opened up the conversation where I said "Addi? Why do you think you have an imaginary world? Is it because you don't like the real world we live in?" She thought about it a minute and said "No, I have imaginary pets though... because I know you will never let me have real ones." I agreed that was a good idea. Then I asked "What about friends?" She laughed, "Mom! You can never have enough friends!" True. I asked "Do you have another Mom in your imaginary world?" To which she melted my heart with "I could NEVER have another Mom, you love me in both my worlds!" True again.
So we'll see how long it lasts, but it's only getting more and more elaborate as her imagination grows.
Addi is a great big sister, and takes such good care of Sophie.

She has as heart big enough to love everyone and anyone. She is incredible forgiving, and can find the good in any situation.
She is my "sunshine girl" because of how she was as a baby. Every morning she would wake up and sit straight up in bed... look around the room... and smile! She NEVER cried in the mornings, honestly it was hard ot know when she was awake. I would peek in her room to see her big grin, giggling that I was getting her out of her crib.
She sucked her two middle fingers, and was always my cuddle bug. She still climbs in my bed and cuddles... although now she talks to me non-stop. She was my chubbiest baby... just rolls and rolls of the chubbiest chubs! I LOVED it! And now she is my 'skin and bones' child. Always hungry... always! The pediatrician guestimated her somewhere around 6'2"-6'4", so I figure that's why she needs all the food!


She is my chatty-kathy, friendly to anyone and everyone. She compliments me at least once a day... on what I'm doing or what I'm wearing. She is a social butterfly and LOVES people.
I pray that she finds a husband who will love and adore her as much as she will love and adore him! She will be a fantastic mother, far more loving that I could ever be. She is my little slice of heaven in my 'real' world!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

My Tween

(I have to note... this is my 200th post. I'm surprised that even with my 'time off' last year I have posted that many times. I don't tend to stick with many things, so this is huge for me.)

Tween: In between
a girl ages about 10-13...too old for toys, but too young for boys.

Very easy to market to, will usually follow any fashion trend set for them, will most likely go through the phase of 'finding themselves' as they 'grow up'.

1. Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen's main fanbase are all tweens.

2. tween 1: LyK oMg, I aM jUsT gOiNg ThRu TeH hArDeSt TiMe Of My LyF...i RaN oUt Of EyEsHaDoW!!!!
tween 2: OMG!!!! DO YOU NEED ME TO COME OVER FOR SUPPORT?!?!?!?!?!

My sweet baby girl turned 10 yesterday. This has been both an awesome thing, and a sad thing for me.


First, I think that it's awesome to see what an amazing person Cori is. She is kind, generous, loving, smart as a whip, and really has a good grasp on who she is and what she expects from life.
But secondly, I fear that she is headed into uncharted territory. To those scary and painful years of wanting acceptance from people who don't matter, and having to stand up for what you believe in. Friends, boys, clothes, hair... needing everything to be 'right'.
I really believe that her and I have done a lot of growing up together. Being the first child, she is the one who has suffered through most of my early parenting trials. My 'trial and error' period. Learning how to care for someone who you love so amazingly deep. Wanting to protect her from everyone and everything, yet learning that she needs to make her own decisions and find her own path.


She made me a Mom, which seemed so odd at first. I was not the girl who wanted to grow up and bake cookies and make babies. I didn't prefer to play house, or play with dolls. I wanted trucks, I picked fights, I liked getting dirty, I skipped school, and broke every rule I could think of.
Now I cannot imagine my life without her. She is part of me, and part of my soul. From the first time I saw her, I knew that we had been great friends before this life. She accepted who I was, and loved me in spite of all my flaws... and I knew that I would love her unconditionally for the rest of my existence.
She came to me so perfect. I have tried not to 'screw her up' too badly, and she has taught me so much as she's grown.
I love her smile. When she turns her head to the side, and squints her eyes. The endearing sound she makes when she hugs me. The mornings she has to have a second kiss before leaving for school. The fact that she HAS to be kissed and hugged while she is in her bed. (You cannot kiss her goodnight and then send her to bed. You have to 'tuck her in'... still at this age.) Her gratitude and ability to thank me for anything and everything. Her silly faces, and her sneaky faces. Her willingness to always help... and how she likes to sing to herself, loudly... when she thinks nobody's listening.
I cannot believe that she's 10 years old... and yet she's an old soul. I always joke that she is my mother, telling me when I'm doing something I shouldn't. Asking me to "think about" my behavior at times. And not in a sassy way... from a very loving and genuine place.
She has a sensitive heart, and I'll have a really hard time with anyone who breaks it. (Not to mention Mike will kill anyone who hurts his girls!)


I could never express in words how much I love her, and admire her. But enough about all the feelings and cheesy stuff...



We had a combined Birthday Party for both Cori and Addi on Sunday night. (Addi's Birthday is Thursday) I asked the girls what type of theme they wanted. They both agreed on a Valentine's Birthday. It was tons of fun decorating everything pink and red. We had finger foods, and heart-shaped desserts instead of traditional cake. And raspberry sherbet with Sprite instead of ice cream. All the foods were pink, red, white. Most of the family came, and it was a blast!
Addi was, of course, such a drama queen! At one point she opened a card with money in it (from Mr. & Mrs. Sweetie) and her eyes got huge! As she lifted each bill out of the card she said "A FIVE dollar", "ANOTHER five dollar" and as she lifted a twenty dollar bill she got short of breath, gasped and said "a... a... What kind of dollar is this?!!" Knowing it was more than she'd ever had (and maybe seen) before. She was too funny!
Cori got a bike this year. Her one request was that it wasn't pink. But the only bike the right size, with the right brakes (hand and coaster) that didn't shift gears, was... yep, pink. She said she could handle it... "as long as I don't have to wear a pink helmet!" She's my tomboy, and I relate so well to the way she thinks!
It was a great party, with great people!
The next day, was Cori's actual Birthday. She was so thrilled that she had to go to school AND choir on her Birthday. So she got up early, got ready and was gone!
For dinner last night we had her favorites! A breakfast dinner, with german pancakes and sausage. Even a gallon of chocolate milk.
She got to open a couple gifts (clothes) last night from the family. She said she had a great day, and I'm glad.
Love her!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The end of the Road

"the winds of change" blew through me today. That little phrase brings back some awesome memories from Jr. High... how could you not love the Scorpions?

This post is more personal for me. I know with my blog being very public, I have to chose my words wisely. Since I haven't given myself time to process this change in my life, I need to be careful. I won't go into any of the outside elements, or people involved. The drama, the friendships, the confusion... but maybe the pain. I tend to write more harshly when I am hurting.

My Stake calling has been the absolute most saving factor for me spiritually. I admit that I may have relied on it too much, but after some difficult events, it really saved me.
I like to think that I gave it back as much as it gave me... but I'm afraid that might not be true.

My patriarchal blessing specifically discusses my role and calling with serving the youth. It's the "chicken and the egg" theory of "Do I love the youth more because of my blessing?" or "Is it because of my blessing that I am drawn to the youth of the church?" Regardless, I have always felt that it is where I belong.

I have had some wonderful experiences over the past 10 years. I have made friendships that will last forever, and I have felt the Lord's love for the youth of the church.

I have taken much of the blame for this in recent years. "Maybe if I were more righteous... "

I have really struggled with my current situation... finding my place here, feeling accepted, feeling fulfilled, and knowing I am doing what I should. My Stake calling has been a 'way out' if you will. Receiving my calling has fed my soul. It's healed many of the wounds I have received.

For whatever reason... probably my own inadequacies... I have had a real bumpy road. However, the past year for me I have felt "right". As if things were finally falling into place for me.

I think that the culture of my religion is a funny thing. We all believe the same things, and we all serve each other, but depending on who and where we are asked to serve... our faith can be shaken.

Sometimes it is the specific task we are asked to do, sometimes it's the time it requires from us, and sometimes it's who we are asked to serve with.

I think that the Lord has taught me many lessons through my church callings. Sometimes I have been uplifted and edified by my experiences, while other times I have been knocked down to the very foundation of my testimony. I can say that the past few years of my life I have learned the more difficult lessons.

It took a year for me to even have a place to belong here. Then I was twisted and tried in everything I put my heart into. Coming from a place where I was happy, fulfilled, and accepted... it has been quite a journey.

My journey came to an abrupt stop today. Being led to believe one thing, and being handed another thing. So, again I feel lost.

The only way to describe it would be "like the road I've been on has been closed" And it's not a detour, or an unexpected turn... because I don't have another direction to go. I'm just stopped. Like I'm totally packed, gassed up, loaded up on snacks, I've got my roadtrip songs playing... and I come to a closed road.

I'm not sure if that makes sense, or if that's the best way to describe it. I've been asked to go a different direction many times, and sometimes it is unexpected. But a change in direction is different than a stop. This is the only place I have been stopped, and more than once.

Not that long ago, I was told "There is no place for you right now". I have to say that those words echo in my head repeatedly. And while they didn't come from God himself, they did come from a man... I can't help but wonder why I've been put in this place. again.

Sadly, I'm not as strong as I think I am. I feel like it's a "two steps forward, one step back" progress... I'm hoping that that the slow progress will get me there... eventually.

I would like to say that "everything happens for a reason" is a logic I can fall back on, but not today. Maybe tomorrow... or maybe next week. But for now, I'm left with the "why?" And I'd like to think that stopping on my road doesn't have to be so bad. I'm afraid that the longer I stay in one place.... the more likely I am to pull out my trowel and bricks and build a big wall around me. It's what I do best, and it's what I tend to fall back on.

I guess all I can do is spend more time on my knees, not asking why... but asking God to PLEASE give me a road I belong on.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Nectar of the Gods


I wouldn't want to use this as an opportunity to track my day-to-day tedious happenings... but I've been keeping a written journal, a 'food journal' if you will. I do have to admit that if this diet teaches me nothing else... I learned that my dependency on my glorious caffeinated beverage (diet Dr. Pepper) is much greater than I realized.
I had a conversation recently about my religious beliefs, and the issue of caffeinated/carbonated beverages. (I like the word 'beverage' a lot) How strange is it to learn of our beliefs for the first time. Now our belief in God, or Jesus, or even our living prophets. But how about the Word of Wisdom?
Why is it that we are instructed not to drink coffee or tea... but we are fee to have unlimited amounts of caffeinated soda? If you research the effects that soda has on the body, in comparison to tea, it is alarming.
I cannot claim to have all the information, and I'm not educated in any medical profession... but I can say that the information I have read really makes me wonder. If caffeinated soda had been a prevalent beverage a couple hundred years ago... would we be instructed not to drink it?
Now I'm not climbing on any high horse, and I'm not going to proclaim that I am never going to drink soda... because I will. In fact, I am counting down the days! Just some food for thought.
When I go off this crazy diet, I will love the indulgence of my 'liquid love', but I think I may go a bit easier on the gas station 'fill ups'. I am sad to admit that I was drinking at least two 44oz. drinks a day... that's 88oz. a day. And more than that on a bad day.
I recently found out that I shouldn't be drinking Green Tea. (yes, this is after having been drinking it for quite some time.... a few years!) I thought herbal tea... green tea... it doesn't get more herbal that 'green', right? Apparently not!
I can say that I was honestly surprised that while I should be drinking Green Tea... I can go drowned myself in Coke. Now I know that 'moderation in all things' could be the lesson here, but I still think that there is something fundamentally wrong with drinking Coke over Green Tea.
So as I was doubled over and nauseous from my severe headache last night, I felt a kind of 'punishment' for my decision making skills. And while I will continue to drink 'the nectar of the God's', I can say it won't surprise me if sometime in the future we are instructed to 'ween ourselves' off of the stuff.
Just saying.
(FYI- at the beginning of this diet you 'load', meaning eat all you can. Who gains 8 pounds in two days?... me. I'm hoping to just lose the weight I gained in those first two days... ridiculous!)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

My little secret

I guess this post is more of a confession. A confession of how desperate I am to get results.
I am one who has always ripped on the fad diets. It's ridiculous to me the types of things people do to lose weight. Well... I can now be included in the groups of ridiculous people. Desperate... that's the only word that comes to mind.
I'm not going to go into details on the actual diet plan. It's silly enough to think about, I'm not sure I want to be reminded of it for years and years. (and certainly not have my children read about how stupid I was)
I KNOW what I need to do to be healthy. I KNOW the information on dieting and exercise. I even can say that I have followed a healthy plan and it's worked for me. Weight Watchers was a good eating plan. In fact, when I'm finished with this little "kick in the butt" crazy plan... I will return to living the lifestyle I learned at Weight Watchers.
I know that nothing is "easy" and I certainly am not expecting this to be a "cure all" or be a long term solution. I guess I'm taking it as a "kick in the butt" to get me started.
I'm worried that depriving myself of my daily caffeinated beverage, and my chocolate fix will make me a horrible person to live with. I told Mike I was worried about being ornery. He agreed! For some reason I can say that I'm worried about that... but if he's think I'll be ornery, well I just think it's rude!
My sister is getting married in February. That means yet another picture on my mother's wall... to forever remind me that I'm the 'fatty' of my family. Ironically... the picture I looked the best in (and was at my lowest) was my sisters wedding... who has since been divorced and remarried. So in my vain and narcissistic thinking, I'm sad to know that particular picture is gone forever... and will never been seen again, or hang on my Mom's wall. Is it wrong to ask that she hang up a picture of her first wedding so people will know that I have been thinner? Ridiculous!
I have this sister's wedding in February, and then one more sister to be married. One last opportunity to have something hanging there I can look at without feeling terrible. I guess it's not entirely true... my own wedding picture is good. I looked good and didn't even know it. Truth be told, I didn't even think about my weight back then. I didn't want to fit into a certain size of dress, or try to lose any weight before I got married. I was just me, and I didn't have any issues with that. What should that tell me?
So that's my little secret. This weekend I will have joined the 'crazies' who I've always laughed at and made fun of. I can say that I think my attitude about it is fairly healthy. It's probably stupid to try, but I'm gonna give it a shot. You'd think after my 'Alli' experience I would have learned a lesson... but what can be worse that that? Maybe it's been too long for me to remember the promises I made to myself on the toilet... cussing at Wynonna and that stupid bottle of pills!
Worst case scenario? I don't lose any weight and waste a few weeks of my life not eating what I'd like to. I can think of worse.

Ready to pull my hair out

Oh what to do.


My sweet Sofa-loaf has once again put me into new territory. She has decided that when she is mad at me... she'll pull her hair out.
It started about a month ago. I'm not talking about a few hairs either, I'm talking handfuls. We were at the older girls b-ball game and the Dad next to me saw the wad of hair on the floor and nudged me to look... he was concerned of course. I just smiled "yeah... it's my daughters. She's upset with me."
I can say that if Sophie's taught me one thing... it's to not care what other people think of me as a parent. I can no longer worry about it, I have enough to worry about with just getting her raised.
I'm not sure where it started, and I know it's got to really hurt her. She is getting a significant bald spot, and it's right on the front of her scalp.
Initially I made a big deal out of it. I was shocked and also concerned for her. She's always had such beautiful healthy hair. It's thick (thank goodness) and it's been long... really long until recent. She asked me to cut it, and in fear that she'd cut it herself, I obliged.
(When I was about 5, I wanted my hair short like a friend. At the time it was past the middle of my back, and my Mom loved it. I remember my Mom chuckling to her friend in her refusal to cut it. She said it was too beautiful to cut. I remember thinking "Fine! I'll do it myself" and about 5 minutes later I had found the sewing scissors, I went into the bathroom and cut off my ponytail right at the base. I then walked into my baby sisters room... I remember specifically a dark room, she must have been sleeping... and I cut all the curls off the back of her head. So maybe having Sophie is just payback for my own stubbornness?)
So, last month I cut Sophie's hair to just below her shoulders. She said that she liked it. But when Mike asked her why she's been pulling out her hair... she told him it was because she wants it cut short. I'm not sure if that's just an excuse or not.
So everyday when I do her hair, I feel the stubble of her expanding bald spot. I find chunks of hair in her bed... when she doesn't want to go to sleep. And I often find them stuck to her shirt.
So what are my options? I can't shave her head... and that's the only definite solution I can think of. I've tried pulling her hair back, but she'll still grab the front and rip it out.
I'm at the end of this particular rope. As she has so many times before... she's left me bewildered. What form of discipline do I use to not make it worse?
Although the picture of her included in the post would suggest otherwise, I've been trying really hard not to label her as difficult. I used to call her 'stinker', it was her nickname. She was truthfully my little stinker. When the other girls started calling her that, and acting like she was difficult, I stopped. I don't call her anything negative anymore... and I won't let her sisters either. I started calling her 'sweet' and 'cuddly' (even if she is the farthest thing from it) I can say that it's made a big difference. She is surprisingly more sweet when I call her that.
I'm afraid that calling her "my sweetie who-doesn't-pull-out-her-hair" is not the solution though. I've started acting like I don't care, and when I send her to her room... she just sits there and pulls it out until she gets out of time-out.
So now I AM READY TO PULL MY HAIR OUT! Maybe we can just be bald together.

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010... here we go!


New Years Resolutions... hummmm...
For whatever reason, this past year of 2009 was not the best year for me. You would think it would be better than 2008, and in some ways it was... but I feel it was less productive of a year.
I hit my weight loss plateau, then over the course of the next 8 months continued to gain back 20 -25 pounds.
I cannot even begin to describe how difficult that is, and how angry it makes me. And while I the control over my losing and gaining, in so many ways it is still out-of-control.
I know what I have to do to change it, but I can only make it the focus of my life for so long. I feel like it has to consume me in order for me to change it. It's the first thing I think about it when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. It's a day-to-day constant. I guess I just don't think it's fair.
When I just live my life (and not what I consider too indulgent) I only get mad at myself when I look in the mirror after getting ready. Although lately, I can tell a difference when I'm getting dressed, and that's frustrating.
So the dilemma is... do I let it consume me again and drop the weight... or live my life and be a bit heavy? What's a girls to do?
In looking back over the year... it had it's high's and low's. It's fair share of family and personal drama. I stopped writing for a while, and that was difficult for me. I think I stopped writing my emotions and just ate them instead.
So enough on that... I'm starting a new year, which mean having new goals (or the same as before) but a new found commitment to better myself.

As my tradition, I am choosing to improve three areas of my life "in wisdom, stature, and in favour with God and man" (Luke 2:52) So here it goes...

To increase my wisdom:
1. Read. I started reading after Sophie was born, and I notice improvements in my vocabulary and my open-minded-ness (is that a word?) when I read more often.
2. Write. I really missed writing this past year, and I'm going to keep a better record of my year.


To increase stature (physical goals):
1. Learn to not just 'lose weight'... but maintain a healthy weight
2. love my body, and be happy with where I am... not always reaching for happiness in those next 10 pounds.

To increase favour with God (spiritual goals):
1. Increase my temple attendance (always at the top of my list... every year)
2. Increase my personal scripture studies

As I went through the goals I set for myself last year, it just reiterated the fact that 2009 was not the best year for me. But that's now in the past, and I have the opportunity to make 2010 the best year yet! I have to add my favorite quote... (which may just become the traditional quote to start each year)...

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I realize that I must be realistic in my goals, and my ability to achieve them. I feel like I can push forward with enough positive energy to accomplish anything I want. I always tell my girls... the beauty of life (and the country we live in) is that if you want it bad enough, and work hard enough, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT!

Happy New Year!