I had some interesting experiences last week. Not really anything to go into detail about... but I'm always surprised with different situations I find myself in... and the types of things I have to go through to learn my life lessons. This week has been very theraputic, and the Lord has helped me with the goals I set for myself this week.
I've had some rough roads in the past few years. I know I will look back and realize that this place I live in has taught me more in the past three years... than I've learned in the past 12. And just when I think I've got it figured out... or at least I've learned how to handle it... I get another curve ball. The thing I'm most proud of, is that after this last week... I know I've made progress. (It's about time.)
I had to make some tough choices last week. I've never been in a situation where I can't explain myself. I tend to 'lay it all out on the table' and 'let the chips fall where they may'. I've found that putting it all out there has gotten me in trouble. Letting that guard down with has not benefited me with certain individuals.
I think I've realized that people will come to their own conclusions no matter what you tell them. Opening myself up... laying it all out... doesn't help. In fact, in some cases for me, it's done more harm than good. And while I hate admitting it... I've learned that not everyone in my life can be trusted. People are good, but someone saying they 'care' doesn't always mean they have your best interest at heart. I can say that this doesn't make me angry at these people... It makes me sad. Because that might be how they 'care'.
I've really gone back and forth on whether or not to take my blog private. I've come to the conclusion that in my situation, it wouldn't change much.
I think it would be worse for there to be rumors of what I'm going through. There would still be those people who would want to be 'invited' who spread rumors. It still baffles me that someone would be bothered by what I've written... because no one has to read it! And while going private might avoid comments from my dearest friend Nony, Nony will always be out there... sharing opinions with others... taking things out of context... and getting me in trouble. It seems really narsisitic to think about people who may or may not be reading my blog... but when it gets me in trouble, I know that someone is not only reading it, but taking it out of context.
Whether it's what I've written... something I've said... something I've done... or heaven forbid, something I've worn!... it's all the same really.
I think the lesson I've learned is... opening up my life experiences doesn't mean I need to open up my emotions. I write about my life, and what I'm learning. I do try to not be too specific because quite frankly, specifics have nothing to do with my experience. And all the speculation in the world wouldn't be changed with more details.
I posted earlier that I pray for change. I still do... but until external changes come... what I can change is how I handle certain situations.
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