Balance

A person who is very close to me has been going through a harder time lately, suffering with anxiety and such. She is an amazing woman... and she sets a very high standard for herself. She is a great wife, and amazing mother, a good friend, she fulfills her calling to the max, she gardens, she cooks, she keeps an immaculate house... I could go on and on.
We were having a conversation about these struggles, and the difficulty in trying to keep up with all of it. She has had children... and with each child it has gotten harder and harder to keep up. In my infinite wisdom I found that my advise to her, or at least what I think might work for me, is simply "letting go". As I elaborated on specifics... I found this phrase escaping my lips... "I just lowered my expectations". I still don't know why I thought I was qualified to attempt advise in the first place!
I've thought a lot about this over the past few weeks, rather disappointed in myself. Conference Sunday shortly followed, and I listened to quite a few fantastic talks. Talks that addressed specific issues I've been having about feeling inadequate, or feeling like I just can't do it all. Those are the talks that help me feel of self-worth and make me realize that the Lord is pleased with my efforts. Then, there are also the talks that make me wonder if I'm not doing what I should, I should be able to do more. I'm not the good 'mormon wife and mother' I should be. I feel that voice inside my head "You are not trying hard enough, if other women can do these things... so should you!"

Why is it that as a Mom... and really as a woman... no matter what I do, I feel like it's not enough? I should be doing more!

As I lay my head on my pillow, besides being exhausted, I run through a never-ending mental list of my weaknesses. Tomorrow I will eat better... tomorrow I will read with Sophie... I'll clean my bathroom... I'll clean out my car... tomorrow I'll be nicer to my kids in the morning... tomorrow I'll get to the store and find the book I've told Cori I would get her three weeks ago... tomorrow I'll get dinner ready before 8pm... I'll do better at feeding my kids healthier foods... I need to call my Sister... I need to visit my Grandma... I need to be a better friend, I'll call a friend tomorrow... I need to get my yard work done... I'm running out of time to plant my lettuce... Tomorrow I'll get my office organized... I'll return those emails... I'll post something on my blog... and on and on and on.
It's not that I don't want to improve myself, I just want to have a moment at the end of a day where I feel... good. I feel accomplished, and I don't beat myself up, but feel like I gave it my all and my 'all' really was good enough.
Balance. I've got to find a balance. I have to listen to the spirit, and let it comfort me. Instead of treating that comfort like a compliment... one that I shrug off, and think "whatever" or "you wouldn't compliment me if you saw the whole picture."
So I think I can say that it's not "lowering standards" but "finding balance" that can save my own sanity! Balance in terms of knowing what to keep balancing... and what to drop. Clean house?... dropped! Getting skinny?... dropped! Dinner?... something from the freezer! Garden?... there are other sources of vegetables, my family won't starve!