"Thanks for noticing me"- eeyore

I haven't written in a while because I've nothing positive to say. I've been stuck in a slump the last bit, and I can't quite get out of it. I feel like Eeyore... pessimistic and down in the dumps.
I've had plenty of things to pull me out, but I can't pinpoint why I got so down in the first place.
So here is what's going on...

The budget thing is pluggin' along. I'm not sure if it's contributing to my depression, but I'm hanging in there. I've stayed within my cash allowances, and I'm learning to go without some luxuries. I'm learning that I HAVE to make a plan before entering any store, and I have to stick to my list. I have to calculate as I go... so I don't end up with a cart full of things I have no money for.
The girls used their allowance to buy themselves desks, so I was proud of them for being so wise with their spending.
I think I've realized that being upfront with them about our change in finances is good for them. I've just said... "No, we don't have money for that" or "Sorry, it's not in the budget" A few times it has concerned Cori. She said "Are we going to run out of money or something?" and it gave me the opportunity to tell her that even if we had the money to spend, we really need to look at if it's worth spending it on. I feel like this budget is forcing me to stop and think about things more. I have to really consider if I want to buy something extra, and I have to consider what other things I might want to spend it on instead.
Anyways... just my own learning process. I never thought running out of olives would cause such insight in my life. I found myself mulling over a decision of whether I buy the olives... even if they aren't on sale... or wait for the sale... or just buy one can now... or buy five cans, because who knows when they'll go on sale? It's not like milk, bread or eggs! The fact is... I didn't realize what a staple olives were at our house! Olives... a luxury or a necessity?!

The kids are back in school. My baby goes to Kindergarten on Wednesday... crazy! The girls all have good teachers. School supplies only cost me an arm and a leg. SERIOUSLY! Between their individual needs, classroom cash donations, and donated classroom supplies... it added up. I need to make a note for next year, so I can set aside some extra cash.
I had great plans before school started... getting organized and ready for everything. Didn't happen. Then I imagined that as soon as the kids were gone all day... I have the house immaculate! Yeah... fat chance. I can't figure out what I'm spending all my time doing... but I have no time... and a messy house.

I ran a 5k race for Wasatch Mental Health. Heaven knows we all need better mental health! But it was a great cause and a beautiful morning up the canyon.
I've had a 'girls night out' with my old High School basketball team. And an evening on the lake with another group of fabulous women. (On a side note... I was tubing, going fast enough to flip the tube and hit the water hard enough I lost my swim bottoms! Luckily they were still around my ankles, and I was decent by the time the boat came back around.)

Life is good. I just need to pull my head out and cheer up. I think that summer ending is harder than I expected. I'll get over it, it's just a cycle I gotta get through.
When I get depressed I get mad at myself. I'm angry because I feel like being aware of my cycles should mean that I can combat it. Like I should be prepared for the battle. I get down in the dumps and look back to July and think... "how did I do all of that?" and "how was I running on 4-5 hours of sleep a day" because now I can't get enough. I force myself out of bed after 10 or 11 hours and try to get enough caffeine in me to get through the day.
But I try and put on my 'happy face'... one day at a time. Can't wait for another high.

"Good morning, Eeyore," said Pooh.
"Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning, which I doubt," said he.
"Why, what's the matter?"
"Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it."
"Can't all what?" said Pooh, rubbing his nose.
"Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush."
(A. A. Milne...from book Winnie the Pooh)