Life gets so crazy, and just when you think it can't get busier... it does.
To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. ~Emily Dickinson
I'm trying my best to push through this 'Utah Spring', this time of year is when I hit my breaking point. I look back through the years, and it's the month of April when Mike and I have gone on almost all our warm weather trips. I probably wonder on a daily basis why I live here. Yet, I know it's not as bad as it seems... I just need a few more weeks to get through the confidence that summer will actually be a reality again.
I wonder how crazy Mike would think I am if he came home to lounge chairs, frozen drinks, the thermostat cranked up to 90 degrees, and me in a bathing suit. I would need some steel drums playing and 'ocean sounds' soundtrack. *sigh*
Mike has been traveling a lot and working from home almost everyday. I start to feel overwhelmed and bad for myself, but I feel worse for the kids. I haven't had patience, and as much as I love working again... things are taking a toll. Nights that I'm not working, Mike is at scouts or at work. Mike's new position has come with so much added stress and has practically doubled his work load. On one hand, I feel so thankful he has a job, I feel bad for complaining. I'm thankful he hasn't always traveled like this. Being home alone is not easy on me, and I don't know how some wives do it regularly.
I started lifting weights and I'm taking a 12 week 'Body for Life' challenge. I haven't been prefect, but I've been proud of my dedication in spite of circumstances. It feels good to take some of my stress out on exercising... but it's also difficult to find the energy and time to do it! But for 12 weeks... I can do 12 weeks.
Taking the time to try and focus on myself and my health always make me think about where I'm at, and why I'm not feeling good. I try to evaluate my priorities, my relationships, and how I headed down a road I'm not happy about.
I can come up with excuses all day long. I'm tired, I don't have time, or the plain and simple... I don't care. If I dig deeper I know that there are specific things that need to change. There are feelings I'm not dealing with, and there are relationships that are toxic. Sometimes it's as easy as letting go... but sometimes it's making changes that are REALLY difficult. The goal is to feel worthy of happiness and success, and surround myself with a support system that helps me achieve my goals. I have to pick apart my life and see what's holding me back... and what's an obstacle. The hard part is that sometimes I care deeply and love my obstacles, or I'm just too lazy to want to let go of some bad habits.
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