Sunday, June 10, 2012

Day 106- Just in case you were curious

This is what the inside of my leg looks like! It makes me thankful for modern medicine. I feel a little like Humpty Dumpty... but I'm so glad they could put me "back together again"!

Monday, June 4, 2012

Day 100- You can have my lucky charms!

Wow... I can't believe it's been 100 days! I feel like so little has happened, and yet physically and mentally so much has changed. I wish I could say that these past 100 days have been continual progress... or that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. No. But it's better than day 5, day 25, and even yesterday.
I am so sad to admit that I have to cancel our family trip to California. I'm so upset, because I've been planning this since last year! In January, I went with Mike to San Diego. I spent the days scouting out cool places to take the kids. The Mormon Battalion Visitor's Center, Old Town San Diego, Gaslamp District, La Jolla beach, Sea World, and even Legoland. I had so much planned... and I was so excited! Especially about Sea World! They have been talking about it all this year.
I was in denial about going. I accepted that maybe we would have to cut back, just Sea World and the beach. Then I accepted that there was no way I could walk around Sea World, so it would just be the beach. Then I realized that I can't walk on flat ground... how would I walk in the sand? So at least I would have the sunshine and hotel pool. I called the hotel when I couldn't see pictures online. She informed me that they don't have an outdoor pool!!! SERIOUSLY?!!
I still needed to go. I needed a break so bad! Mike was going to have to go either way, and how would I stay here without help? In my denial... Jen and Cory helped put the car-top carrier on the car. I was determined to have a vacation!
I woke up the next morning (yesterday)... the day I should have been packing and loading the car... and realized it just couldn't happen. The driving would be so hard on my leg. I still can't walk. It's just not smart! So I kissed Mike goodbye tonight and crawled into a hole of depression. I started the "why's" again. Not to mention the "when" will I get my life back... then to the dreaded "if" I'll ever get my life back!
In an effort to try and bring me back from the dark abyss, Mike said I should book a trip down to St. George. The drive should be doable and we can just sit by a pool everyday. So I got online and found the perfect place. There aren't a lot of vacation rentals in St. George... but to my surprise I found a great one! Main floor, right by the pool, sleeps 6, and not to pricey. So I book it!
The next morning I get a call from the reservation desk. "We are so sorry Mrs. Bushman. The room you booked is actually not available." I'm on the edge at this point, "what do you mean? I just booked it online?" they crush me, "There is something wrong with our website... it shouldn't have shown that unit as available." I plead "But there aren't any other units available that fit my handicap needs and sleeps my family?" I don't know what I expected... they don't care! They have no idea how fragile I am at this point. They don't know that they are crushing all my hopes and dreams... the little bit of positive hope I have left is demolished! I get off the phone and cry. I cry like a baby, sob in fact. That makes it final... I HAVE THE WORST LUCK EVER!!!