Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Finally some progress

As I continue to wait for the bone to fill in (6 months), I feel like things are finally progressing. I am 100% happy with my decision to have the surgery. As the swelling goes down, I can feel my kneecap is in a much better position. I don't grind with every bend, and the pain is less. I wish the pain was gone... but I am coming to terms with the fact that the pain will always be there. Sometimes the pain is better or worse... but it's always there! There are so many factors... swelling, standing too long, walking too far, gaining weight, cold weather, storms coming... but I am figuring things out.
So I am happy to report that all these items are leaving my bedroom! I have kept some things around because I still need them... or at least it makes life easier. The riser on my toilet seat will stay, so will the bars in the bathroom. But the rest is being put away. It feels good to get it out of here! The bike is going downstairs in the work-out room (with the rest of the equipment I will someday get to use again), the crutches and walker will go into storage. When I get my total knee replacement I will need them again. The ice machine and shower bench will also go into storage... but the cane I will keep a little more accessible.
So I'm moving forward!... and putting these things behind me!

Monday, January 21, 2013


It's super crazy to me, that in a time of such modern medical advances, they use a screwdriver to drill these massive screws into our body! There has got to be a better way to hold bone in place. The metal is titanium... which in my experience is very hard, and gets very cold! I'm happy to see these sharp metal objects and know they are no longer stuck inside my leg.
Dr. Larsen looked at me a little funny when I asked to keep it. I was grateful that he cleaned it up and sent it home with me. It represents so much pain and suffering. It also represents difficulty and change in my life. It represents great love from other people, stronger relationships with some, and ruined relationships with others. It represents a time period when my marriage was tested, my children made sacrifices, and people's 'true colors' were shown. It reminds me that life can change in an instant... and that you can pay so greatly for a stranger's mistake! This metal also helps me remember the strength I have inside me... and that I am a lot stronger than I realize.
So I have decided to put it together in a shadow box. I'm going to hang it on my wall where I can see it everyday! I want to put a good quote or saying with it... but I haven't found one yet. I need something about pain... strength... healing... change...and never forgetting.

I never want to forget what I've learned about myself. I am stronger and braver than I ever thought I was. I can do really difficult things. I had to take life one day at a time. I learned to accept the things I could not change. I healed, but I will never be the same. Pain changes people.