Sunday, October 12, 2014

Back at it

I've been reading through old posts lately... getting good doses of my own advise. I read back and think "Wow... who was that girl writing that?" It's strange to see how things have changed in my life, how life experiences can shape and re-shape a person.
Recent experiences have changed my course once again. I find myself in a strange place of re-evaluating my life... in nearly ALL aspects of my life.
I'm debating whether or not to try and catch up, or just start today and move forward. I'm thinking that looking forward would be best. I'm afraid looking back would be too painful in some aspects. I would never say that I'm thankful for the negative things that have happened, but they have brought results that have helped me grow, learn, and expand my view of the future.
I have had to put distance between some of my family members. I guess maybe they put the distance there, and I just stopped taking the abuse of being around them over and over again. It has been both healing and also enlightening. It's amazing how much clearer you can see things when you're not swimming in the thick of it. The thick of selfishness, intentional cruelty and competitiveness. Speaking of...
I've given myself some distance with church as well. Again, not at first by choice, but the opportunity has taken me out of the fog. I feel like I've been slowly dying inside without even knowing it! The negativity of others criticism and being spiritually bullied by adults with the "power" to make me feel helpless in difficult situations was killing me... I was miserable. I am trying to figure out what exactly I truly believe, and how I want to practice what I believe.
On a positive note, yoga has been the best thing that has happened to me in a long time! I am taking better care of myself. I have lost quite a bit of weight this year, and I contribute it to taking a step back and realizing what I'm doing that isn't healthy for me... for my body, my spirit, and my soul. I found that some of the most damaging things in my life were people or things that should have been good for me and I was forcing myself into harmful situations out of guilt, or the feeling that I didn't have a choice. The truth is... I ALWAYS have the choice. I just have to decide that I choose ME. I choose HAPPINESS. I've learned that sometimes things are just no longer good for us, and we have to let them go. It doesn't discount the fact that they were once good... even great. However, things change... and you have to let go of things that are holding you down, or drowning you!
I've let a lot of heavy things go this year. Amazingly enough... I have felt lighter, physically and mentally. I feel better than I've felt in a very long time. I didn't know how bad it was until I started feeling better. It was very, very bad. I was in a bad place earlier this year.

So much of my life is different, and I'm not sure if it's been aftermath from the car accident, time, age, or just where I am at in life. I feel like things with family, friends, spirituality, career, education, kids... it's all changed. And although I feel like it's all changed for the better... it's so different than I expected. It's crazy that life can take you in directions you never expected.
I'm excited to get back to writing and blogging. I love taking the thoughts and feelings I have, putting it into words and getting it out. It's so therapeutic and helps me sort my craziness. Because let's be honest... no matter how much life changes... I'm still just as crazy!

1 comment:

Paula said...

I love you Sherian. You are so genuine and honest. You are my hero. Loves.