Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Day 2... My brain desperately misses caffeine!!!

So it is Day 2 of this madness... whole30. There are some things that are good, and well... no... nope. I've decided that this goes into the list of things I've tried that is just stupid craziness. It's right up there with HCG my friends! I'm hoping that things look up, but I can barely type this entry with my splitting headache. I think my left eye has started twitching. Because really... how bad is Diet Dr Pepper? It will be the first thing I have on day 31, which is November 12th... not that I'm counting!
I bought 4 cases of La Croix, because I honestly thought it would curb my cravings. Here's the truth... this is how sick I am... I like "feel" of it. I like the cold metal can. I like the sound of opening the can, I have the cold can sitting next to me during the day. I even like the feeling of the cold can on my lips... but then I tip up the can and my mouth is filled with a nasty bitter taste! It is seriously disgusting!!! I cringe, swallow, and set my nice cold can back down. I honestly do this every 3-5 minutes just to mentally try and soothe myself. I have opened multiple cans and have yet to drink the entire thing! I was seriously drinking 120+ ounces of DDP a day... and I can't even finish a can of this crap. Ughhh! There... now I've cried about it... on with life!

The girls raced their Pinewood Derby cars tonight. Mike took it more seriously this year... after not finishing so hot last time. This time Addi was 5th overall and Sophie was 9th. They both came in 1st and 2nd in their different individual races. They were so cute and fun to watch! Happy girls and a proud papa!

I've been thinking about my life lately. Kinda mid-life crisis type stuff. Just trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with the next 20-30 years. I've debated working, going back to school, or both. I've thought about continuing my line of work in the beauty industry... or doing something completely different. I don't even know what I'm passionate about anymore. I feel like so much about me has changed over the past couple of years. I'm not only physically limited, but my likes and dislikes are different. So my search continues! I absolutely love my job... but I'm not sure it's sustainable. I can do it for the next 5 years... but I'm not going to be doing lashes at 45 or 50 years old!
It's not that I'm unhappy... I actually LOVE my job... truly! I just am entering a new and different stage of life. My baby is now in 4th grade. I'm not sure how it happened... but it just did. Last thing I remember she was heading to 1st grade and I was excited to finish my salon and build my clientele. Then all hell broke loose and now I wake up here.
I realize I could play the "Super Mom" game, and some days I feel like I should play that game better. I could clean my house from top to bottom, make amazing dinners, volunteer every chance I get and run with the PTA crowd... but honestly, I've tried that. It didn't make me happy. I tried to pretend, compete, smile and put on the perfect show... but that's what it felt like... a show. I've jumped through all the hoops, but I've never been good at faking anything! I'm not sure if it's age or just life, but I'm a lot less worried about pleasing others. So I'm searching... still searching...

On to Day 3. I hope that I will say that it's worth it, but for now I just dream about an ice cold 'jacked' Diet Dr Pepper in my hand. Truthfully, I dream about bathing in it! If nothing else, after 30 days... I will appreciate it more!



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